Friday, January 25, 2013

6 of Alexandra's Commandments

I've finally finished my list of 12 Commandments.  Some are remainders from 2012; I discarded others that did not resonate for me any more, I would read them and go [blow raspberry].  Here are 6 of them, maybe they might inspire you with yours.

In no particular order:

1.  Wake up each morning expecting good things to come my way and smile!  

When I live each day with this anticipation, my attitude is immediately more positive, outgoing, enthusiastic, confident.  It's funny, but life has a way of living up to your expectations.  That means when I'm expecting great things to happen to me, I automatically attract more LUCK.  There may be a chicken before the egg conundrum going on here, but whatever it is, it works.  When I wake up in a foul mood and trample about my day, everything goes wrong and I hate everyone and everyone hates me. Grrrr. When there's lightness in my step and I approach people and situations with confidence and happiness because I know great things are just on the verge of occurring, it really does happen.  

2.  Take nothing personally.  

This is one of Don Miguel Ruiz's 4 great principles of life and I love this one.  He spent his life researching Toltec wisdom and mythology and distilled its greatest principles into 4 rules.  This one for me does wonders.  Whatever bad you - rightfully or wrongfully, doesn't matter - perceive has been done to you or that you believe others think of you...take nothing personally.  There's nobody in this world trying to get you, there's no great unfairness in the Universe that's waiting to overtake you - it's not personal.  I fully subscribe to Ruiz's statement:  "There's a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally."  Don't be that person who's vindictive and gets infuriated at perceived slights or who walks around feeling wronged.  It's a huge amount of wasted energy and 99.9% of the are wrong anyway.  For the remaining 0.1% of the time, it's not worth the expended energy of anger and frustration, you will only hurt yourself and keep yourself from succeeding in life.  

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha

3.  Always act from a place of abundance.  

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I am a super generous person. So are my friends, so is my family.  I really, really hate stingy/cheap people; they are petty, small-minded, and when I've given such people a chance, they've always disappointed me with the smallness of their character...because their cheapness emanates from their's not about money, it's not about things (the richest people can be cheap, and the poorest person can be's not about money, trust me), it's about them feeling so insecure and paranoid about losing out in the world, they are always hoarding their s* at the expense of other's so unattractive!!  Ultimately, such people lose in life because what goes around comes around...they may pinch a penny today, but they ultimately lose out on all the abundance and good things of this world. Who wants to live like that, right?

When you align yourself with abundance, it comes to you all over again.  So I try very hard not to lose that side of me even when it's hard, even when times are lean...because that's when true character shows itself.  And that's not just with material possessions (although it definitely includes this), but it also includes being generous with friendships, with compliments, with emotional support, helping others connect, etc.  That means not feeling competitive with others - there's more than enough of great things in the world to fulfill everyone's dreams in this lifetime, giving to someone else or helping someone else will take nothing away from you, it will just add to your own abundance.  Don't think small...if I have choice between giving and not giving, I try to remember this principle and freely give as much as I can.

4.   The answer always is LOVE.

In my personal relationships, sometimes I'm not sure how to proceed in a specific instance.  Maybe I've had a tiff with a friend or more-than-a-friend or a family member.  Maybe there's been some raw feelings.  Sometimes I want to assert my rights and set them straight.  But you know what they say, you can be proven right, but you will lose that relationship.  This is the biggest problem I see with my married friends; they're so vested in being proven RIGHT, they'll go to the ends of the earth so that everyone knows they were right all along.  But what for?  In interpersonal relationships, there is no right and wrong - it doesn't matter - and if you put being proven right above keeping the peace and maintaining good feelings, you will only lose that person in the end.  So with this rule, when I'm debating between options in how to address a situation with a loved one or how to make things right, I try to always CHOOSE LOVE.  Choose the loving option, the gentle path...and not only will this gentleness and forgiveness be returned right back to you, everything will turn out just right.  

5.  Be Impeccable With Your Word.

Another of Don Miguel Ruiz's 4 principles of a happy and successful life.  Be impeccable with your word in small things and big things.  In today's world, words are cheap.  It's all in your actions and the prime indicator of a person who has immense integrity is how true they are to their words and promises.  This one is sometimes hard to do because integrity is hard.  Integrity is what you do when no one (but the Universe) is watching.  Integrity (or the lack thereof) is what happens when you are tempted with something enticing, the partaking of which would mean you going back on your word.  This one is hard for everyone.

But when you are truthful and stick to your promises in life, the rewards are bountiful:  a clean conscience, true self-esteem and happiness, loyal relationships with friends, family, lovers and even colleaguesand...good karma.  

6.  Give Everyone the Benefit of the Doubt/Think the Best of Everyone. 

99.9% of all hurt feelings are based on misunderstandings.  True story.  When I imagine my girlfriend blowing me off, it turns out she had an emergency with her baby or was going through a crisis of her own. When I thought one of the partners was upset at me or my work product, it would turn out he thought my work was fantastic but instead was upset at another part of the case.  What I know about the world is so incredibly limited, it's only an infinitesimal slice of what's going on...everyone is on his/her own journey, we have no idea what's really going on in their lives.  So do yourself and the world a favor, give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Everyone. From the cab driver to your mother to your spouse/boyfriend.  Even if it turns out, in the end, that, oh, that person does want to do you wrong or doesn't like you or had bad intentions, well (1) that happens in such a tiny percentage of situations, do you really want to dim your life and falsely misalign others because of that tiny percentage of bad people/situations? (2) your Zen attitude might improve the situation; and (3) Take Nothing Personally, anyway.  Once that person is proven to be a bad apple, discard, and move on.

Think the best of everyone and treat everyone as if they think wonderfully of you - you will be so much happier and your relationships will dramatically improve.  

Okay 2013, let's reach for the stars!

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